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After years of burying my head in the sand in an attempt to heal my money mojo and my seriously bruised ego, I’ve decided to undertake another method. In fact, it’s the same process I used when I wanted to heal my relationship issues, health issues and chronic unemployable issues.
You see, for a pretty smart girl, I have a tendency to be a bit stubborn. I tend to see the world in terms of black or white. Gray has a hard time finding a place in my world. Some examples: Honor roll student & college failure/drop-out; Cheerleader & student leader AND bullied loner; Nearly always managed to have a date with a cute guy AND twice divorced; Six-figure earning entrepreneur AND serially unemployable.
This is just the surface!
I seem to learn by swinging precariously from one extreme to another. Maybe it’s a way for my Apollo stars (and super long Apollo line) to get the attention it needs. For someone who says she hates change, I sure do make lot of ruckus and stir things up in my life.
I start out on the “ignore it and it will get better” side of most situations. That leads to increasing levels of discomfort and pain, which leads to existential angst in terms of “WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME???!!” and that goes into more hiding out until the pain is too much to bear and I finally pull my head out of the sand and look in the mirror and ask, “What shall we do now?”
Only recently have I seen this as the predictable pattern of my entire life. Maybe I see it now because I’ve made some progress on figuring out the “big things” in life and now I can look back with some level of objectivity and a lot more compassion for this fractured but beautiful soul that is me.
The extremes are great teachers – for me – but I don’t recommend you do all the same stuff I have. Unless you like roller coasters that sometimes come unhinged from the track. If that floats your boat – come on, I’ve got some journeys for you!
This pattern has shown up in relationships, careers, health and wellness, my body, and money. Once things get really out of hand, and I run out of people and things out side of myself to blame, I get my act together and start creating a new paradigm – in really short order. Which is astounding. I mean, what would happen if I skipped the drama and went straight to the healing?
Lately my taste for financial literacy has become insatiable. This is a sign that the pendulum is swinging into an amazing place – balanced and good. Whenever my mind, body and soul catches up to bring me to center I go through a frenzy of reading on that particular topic.
This month I’ve read, re-read or am now reading:
“The Law of Divine Compensation” by Marianne Williamson
“Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill
“Money a Love Story” by Kate Northrup
“Rich Dad Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki
I’ve read some of these books before, and I’ve had people quote their interpretations of these books to me but until now, I’ve never really ‘gotten’ the full throttle of exactly how illiterate I’ve been about my finances. And there was a time in my life that I would have beaten myself up for that. I can still find moments in the morning when I think, “Holy S&it girl, if you had read this and done just one of these things even TWO years ago — ” and then I shrug and decide to love myself and where I am instead.
By the way, the shrugging and loving seem to have a positive effect on the overall financial picture. I don’t know how, but the more I give myself compassion, while accepting the choices I’ve made, the better and easier things are in my life, financially and otherwise.
I’m not pretending that some days aren’t the pits and I’m not promising you that simply loving yourself will miraculously make you a millionaire – but it will give you some peace. It’s easier to think creatively and heal when you’re at peace.
Anyway, there’s more to come from this journey and I can’t wait to share it with you, here and in our Facebook community.
Feel free to join in and share your stories to peace – around money, love and more!