Will He Come Back to Me?

Will He Come Back to me?

If I had a dollar for every single time I’ve been asked “Will my Ex come back to me?”  – I would be George and Amal’s neighbor on that Italian island, with enough left over to jet set to the Galapagos every time I needed a fix of wild nature!

Seriously y’all. Why do you keep bemoaning the situation between you and the ex? Why are you mooning over him and wanting him (or her) to come back to you? There was a perfectly good reason you broke it off and there’s an equally great reason for you to learn the joy of being single and unattached.

Now let me tell you the truth. I’ve been there a few times myself. Mostly I was the breaker-upper – because – attachment and trust issues. Sometimes though I was left staring into the broken shards of my imaginary perfect life with Mr. not-so-Perfect-but-I-was-going-to-make-him-so.  It hurt and it stung to be left and my Ego was really in a tizzy. I hated finding out that the person that I’d covered with my love and kisses was out and about town with one (or three) others, all the while promising me that we’d buy that adorable house on the corner together so we could raise kids and get old and gray together.

I have love in my heart for you when you ask this question, even while I’m internally groaning. I’m groaning because I see myself and so many of my friends when we were in that same position. I’m smiling because we all came out of it as better, more joyful people and empowered people who eventually found bliss on our own terms. Some of us with partners that are wildly more of a fit for us than the one we cried for and some of us without partners but the freedom and vision to dive into living our dreams on our own terms. We’re all so much more US as a result of letting that other one go.

When you put your hands in front of me and ask me if your ex is coming back I can only tell you what I see about YOU and how you are in relationships. I can clearly see where you’re stuck and I can give you specific details about how and why you get yourself entangled with people who are not a fit. This doesn’t mean that they are bad people. And it totally doesn’t mean that you need to Gumby yourself into someone you’re not in order to regain that person in your life.

What you’ve just experienced is the law of contrast. It shows you all the ways you’re attracting and buying into relationships that are not a fit for you for the long term. This doesn’t mean that the relationship was wasted time. (I know, I know, everyone else is getting married! They’re having kids! and you feel left behind.)  This is a great opportunity to ask yourself if you trust the Divine. Divine timing is always right. You can’t do this wrong! (what a relief, right?)  Just because you’re comparing yourself to someone else doesn’t mean that you’re behind or wrong or dealing with an evil curse. It simply means that you’re learning lessons on your own time.

Want to speed up that learning curve?

Look to your hands and take action on what you learn.

Too many people want a psychic to tell them, “Yes, he’s coming back. He’ll be there in 3 months,” so they can sit back and wait for life to happen to them. They are literally handing their power over – to the psychic and to the person for whom they’re longing. What the psychic doesn’t tell you is that when he comes back it’s just more of the same and you’ll sink another decade into trying to become someone you’re not in order to “keep” them – ending up miserable with three kids who don’t want to speak to either of you once they turn 18.

Instead of asking “Will he (or she) come back to me?” Ask, “How can I be the best possible version of myself in a loving and committed relationship?” or “What are my blind-spots when it comes to relationships and how can I take action to clear up those challenges?”  Then you’ll leave your reading with some seriously useful intel and you’ll have specific guidance on moving forward to a more joyful relationship future.

Empower yourself and use your hands to light your path to love.

Want a reading? Still two more left until my Sabbatical. Book here.

A Decade

If you ask my love, I’m not much good at sentimental dates or anniversaries. Other than my birthday most days seem like all the others and I guess my interest lies more toward the here and now then the MILESTONES.

regret is scariest of all

This is interesting because Facebook keeps asking me to share milestones on my Pragmatic Palmist page. It seems to increase something in that land. My worth? My value as a business owner? My ability to stand out? Who really knows?!

Still, the “enter a milestone” request got me thinking and then I recognized that it was 2004 that started me on this hand reading journey. That’s a DECADE.  I like the sound of that. It makes me feel stable and secure and proves to those who say otherwise, “I CAN stick with something for the long haul.” (next major milestone? a decade and more with my love)

I can’t remember what I had for breakfast on Monday (did I have breakfast on Monday?) but I can remember the beginning of my hand analysis certification process as though  it happened this morning.

To commemorate this milestone, here are 10 things I’ve learned about business, hands, life and love in the past 10 years:

  1. If you’re not happy, nothing outside of you is going to make you happy. I first had my hands read because I thought it would be a magic button that would miraculously solve all my inner turmoil and angsty hand-wringing. It didn’t.
  2. Stretching is awesome, jumping off the cliff in an attempt to start from square one sucks. I know, I know. There’s some whimsical belief that if you leap the net will appear, and while I really like that image it isn’t the way it worked for me. (yes, I hear your metaphysicians – “maybe I didn’t believe in myself enough!”)  Here’s the deal, I asked for a divorce, met a totally unstable new boyfriend, took all my cash and bought an overpriced condo instead of paying back a crap-ton of debt and sold the business that was the source of my income – all within the span of 3 months. That was a lot of plates spinning and to be honest, I’m not sure there are enough nets on the planet! I learned my lesson that all or nothing is not really the only way to begin your best life.
  3. Being spiritual isn’t the point, being present is. You see I thought a spiritual teacher had to be all kinds of holy (and obviously poor) and always good and compassionate. That’s been impossible for me and now that I think about it, a pretty ego-driven belief. All that spiritual do-goodery was getting exhausting. When I chose to simply slow down and be present, the life I lead became infinitely more enjoyable.
  4. Relationships are paramount. You’ve heard t hat adage that says you somehow become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with? It’s true. Most times this is spouted as the reason for forming a business mastermind – with rich people.  And I like being rich (more on that in #5) but I like having high caliber people around even more. In 10 years I’ve  had the complete joy and surprise of meeting and cultivating friendships with men and women who, by their very presence, help me grow- spiritually, mentally and financially. I’ve also watched some relationships fade away because I no longer needed the drama. Making relationships central to my life has been a life saver.
  5. Money is not the enemy. I have no idea when or why I decided to remove money from my life like a metastasizing cancer, but I’m glad I figured out that it was ME, not money that was the issue. I had one of the most eye-opening opportunities to love money in my life. I’m glad I accepted the challenge, but I wish for you to never be in that position. As a result I’m as passionate about my relationship with money as I am with people.
  6. If you’re afraid, keep going. Whenever I’ve been afraid (and good gosh ‘coming out’ to the world as a hand reader is still scary sometimes) I go within and ask for some higher wisdom to find the Love. You can’t be afraid and feel love at the same time. So I give myself permission to love my way through to the other side of fear.
  7. Dance. Now, if you’ve EVER seen me dance you’ll have a flashback to the Seinfeld episode where Elaine goes nuts on the dance floor. I feel pretty certain that Mr. Seinfeld had a hidden camera on my life to come up with that particular riff. And he made Julia Louis-Dreyfuss watch it a few hundred times to get the dance exactly right. This simple fact about me used to MORTIFY me and then make me angry when others laughed at my dancing. So I stopped dancing. And the only person who suffered was ME. Now I dance and laugh and laugh and dance and love the fact that my body can move in all those wacky ways. The more I’m me, the more free I am to do good work in the world. So turn on the music!
  8. Screw moderation. Everything in moderation? Except moderation. I can see that working for things that aren’t that great for me – like wine or french fries, but when it comes to things I love and have passion for? No way. I am passionate about reading hands. I’m passionate about building relationships. I’m passionate about helping people reach their highest and best good and dang I’m passionate about learning new things. Why in heaven’s name would I want to moderate any of that?! I can’t have too much learning or hand reading or relationship love. Ever.
  9. Love your body. No matter  what it looks like, no matter if you cannot seem to get into the Wheel in yoga or do a headstand or Crow pose. No matter if you have two left feet on the dance floor! Celebrate your body in all it’s wonder, listen to it, nourish it, cherish it for every last thing it does today. I can’t do any work in the world without it and while I know that I, as a soul, am eternal, I am so unabashedly proud of the body I have today – all nearly 50 years of it!
  10. Love. It’s taken me ten years of introspection, deep conversation, study and more to realize what LOVE really is. It is so much bigger than me and so much more than songs and poems and romance (all good stuff though). Whenever I’m in doubt, think I cannot do something, am freaking scared of going another day trying to do this thing called life, I reflect on LOVE.

Ten years – it’s been the best  decade yet!

 

Do You Have Marriage Lines?

You are now either hoping you do or don’t have these mysterious Marriage lines. Either you’re single or coupled and either you’re happy or unhappy about your status.

Relationships are so often convoluted and confusing and you might have noticed that you base a lot of your self-esteem on your relationship situation.  You might even think that “everything” will be “better” when you are “finally” married.

Is it true?

My experience has shown me that getting married can exacerbate every single insecurity I ever had. My two marriages taught me that all those cliches are true – you really OUGHT to be whole before you marry another person.  I learned that you can’t lump your worth into the basket of how well you “fix” him (or her).  Falling in love with potential just wasn’t the wisest move for me.

You might have a completely different experience. I have friends that started dating in High School and they’re happily married to this day. I suspect that seeing his potential at 16 led her to want to live up to the potential he saw in her.  Sometimes that happens too.

We each have our own stuff and experiences to learn from here on Earth. Whether you fall in love, marry and live happily ever after with your high school crush or not, your relationship story is part of the way you become whole.

Does that mean you can rely on the fortune-teller who told you that you have no marriage lines to mean that you will be alone for the rest of your life?

Nah.

First off,  your lines can and often do change. Especially those little lines.  Secondly, don’t be one of those people who says you want to claim your free will and then starts a self-fulfilling prophecy based on a statement from a stranger you paid 20 bucks when you were slightly buzzed on a Friday night out with your friends.

Here’s the deal.

Some people have tons of lines in their hands. There are lines EVERYWHERE you look.  Other people have three lines that you can easily see.  That’s just how they’re made. Just like your eye color, skin color or shape of your toes – you were made that way. Don’t fret. It’s perfectly you.

When someone presses me to tell them if they have marriage lines I tell them I’d rather talk about the way they show up in relationships and their expectations of others. Then we’ll review their Mercury (Pinky) finger, heart line, and other places in the palm that speak to communication savvy, boundaries and people skills.  We’ll also review areas in the hand to look at how open they are to change and how willing they are to trust and surrender control.  These pieces of their hard-wiring clue us in on how open they are to a relationship, how realistic their expectations are and how likely they are to really show up in a great partnership.

After a decade of reading hands I know that everyone is capable of love and that love is a universal need. Your hands have shown me that partnerships are always meaningful and that “forever” isn’t always what the fairy tales told us. A relationship can have meaning for us throughout our lives, even if we’re not physically still together. In a way that’s forever.

Instead of asking if you have Marriage Lines, ask yourself who you’d have to be to be in a madly passionate, committed and joy-filled union.  Get clear on whether marriage is or is not an institution that floats your boat.  Then be the person you’re meant to be now.  No more waiting to see what “fate” has in store.  Go out and love and ignore the fortune-tellers trying to scare you or assuage you.  Be you.