Will He Come Back to Me?

Will He Come Back to me?

If I had a dollar for every single time I’ve been asked “Will my Ex come back to me?”  – I would be George and Amal’s neighbor on that Italian island, with enough left over to jet set to the Galapagos every time I needed a fix of wild nature!

Seriously y’all. Why do you keep bemoaning the situation between you and the ex? Why are you mooning over him and wanting him (or her) to come back to you? There was a perfectly good reason you broke it off and there’s an equally great reason for you to learn the joy of being single and unattached.

Now let me tell you the truth. I’ve been there a few times myself. Mostly I was the breaker-upper – because – attachment and trust issues. Sometimes though I was left staring into the broken shards of my imaginary perfect life with Mr. not-so-Perfect-but-I-was-going-to-make-him-so.  It hurt and it stung to be left and my Ego was really in a tizzy. I hated finding out that the person that I’d covered with my love and kisses was out and about town with one (or three) others, all the while promising me that we’d buy that adorable house on the corner together so we could raise kids and get old and gray together.

I have love in my heart for you when you ask this question, even while I’m internally groaning. I’m groaning because I see myself and so many of my friends when we were in that same position. I’m smiling because we all came out of it as better, more joyful people and empowered people who eventually found bliss on our own terms. Some of us with partners that are wildly more of a fit for us than the one we cried for and some of us without partners but the freedom and vision to dive into living our dreams on our own terms. We’re all so much more US as a result of letting that other one go.

When you put your hands in front of me and ask me if your ex is coming back I can only tell you what I see about YOU and how you are in relationships. I can clearly see where you’re stuck and I can give you specific details about how and why you get yourself entangled with people who are not a fit. This doesn’t mean that they are bad people. And it totally doesn’t mean that you need to Gumby yourself into someone you’re not in order to regain that person in your life.

What you’ve just experienced is the law of contrast. It shows you all the ways you’re attracting and buying into relationships that are not a fit for you for the long term. This doesn’t mean that the relationship was wasted time. (I know, I know, everyone else is getting married! They’re having kids! and you feel left behind.)  This is a great opportunity to ask yourself if you trust the Divine. Divine timing is always right. You can’t do this wrong! (what a relief, right?)  Just because you’re comparing yourself to someone else doesn’t mean that you’re behind or wrong or dealing with an evil curse. It simply means that you’re learning lessons on your own time.

Want to speed up that learning curve?

Look to your hands and take action on what you learn.

Too many people want a psychic to tell them, “Yes, he’s coming back. He’ll be there in 3 months,” so they can sit back and wait for life to happen to them. They are literally handing their power over – to the psychic and to the person for whom they’re longing. What the psychic doesn’t tell you is that when he comes back it’s just more of the same and you’ll sink another decade into trying to become someone you’re not in order to “keep” them – ending up miserable with three kids who don’t want to speak to either of you once they turn 18.

Instead of asking “Will he (or she) come back to me?” Ask, “How can I be the best possible version of myself in a loving and committed relationship?” or “What are my blind-spots when it comes to relationships and how can I take action to clear up those challenges?”  Then you’ll leave your reading with some seriously useful intel and you’ll have specific guidance on moving forward to a more joyful relationship future.

Empower yourself and use your hands to light your path to love.

Want a reading? Still two more left until my Sabbatical. Book here.

Why You’re Not willing to Change

As Thanksgiving approaches it’s a great time to look at your benchmarks.

Thanksgiving at the Trolls

As you prepared your feast and gathered around a table with your friends and family what things were you most thankful for last year?  What things were you aspiring to for Thanksgiving 2013?

Maybe you wanted to take more time to spend with your honey, or to earn more money so you could take an artists or yoga retreat for yourself. It’s possible you wanted to get out of your soul-sucking job, or you wanted to fall madly in love with someone who would cherish you.

You might have simply focused on the biggie around the holidays – “getting in shape” or “losing 10 pounds.”

Have you done it?

I’m not throwing stones. Many of my aspirations and dreams have fizzled this year. Which is why I got really curious about about the phenomena of failure. 

In my studies I continuously run into the idea of psychological reversals. You see, we’re not bad people, or weak-willed or lazy.  Instead, we’re holding onto a deep-seated belief that we honestly cannot change because somewhere in our cells or subconscious we believe that we do not deserve the outcome we say we so desperately want.

This may be the reason why smart women stay in lousy and abusive relationships. And it’s certainly why so many stay in financial duress and in a body that feels so uncomfortable.

We talk about switching our mindset and that is part of the puzzle. So is taking action. However, none of that works until we take action to dismantle the underlying limiting beliefs.

This is tricky. We may not even know what the underlying belief is!

One of my underlying beliefs was the old, “No Pain, No Gain” mantra. Every time I’ve earned 6+ figures in my life, I was, indeed, in a lot of pain. However, I felt like it was the good pain. I convinced myself that hustle and constant work, lousy diet, remarkable stress and a suffering relationship were just the price you had to pay to get ahead!

I’ve been tackling this underlying belief all year long and I’m not done with it yet. It’s interesting the ways that this underlying belief has  played out in my business – whenever I’d start to succeed and gain momentum with my programs and clients,  I’d mysteriously see a shut down, client’s unable to pay and a complete loss of income streams.

Consciously I had planned the business so that I would NOT overwork myself, yet, the subconscious was at work, insisting, YOU DO NOT WANT TO WORK TOO HARD ANYMORE! and I’d be back at a standstill.

Crazy! Especially because the pain and irritation and stress of being back at square one is definitely more work than actually doing the things that make my heart sing – namely teaching workshops , reading hands and being present with clients.

I’m still addressing this limiting belief. The first step is letting myself off the hook, for the repetitive cycle. I forgave myself for falling into the trap of self-sabotage and chose to love myself into a better mindset. It’s a moment by moment activity.

The process has helped me clarify the massive leaps and results my clients receive in their businesses, their love lives and their self worth when we work together. I’m humbled by the successes they’ve had.

This process  also helped me fine tune the best way to leverage my time and energy  to avoid the dreaded work-a-holic tendencies that literally made me sick, nearly to death.

I’ve also learned how to tap into the root causes and break up the habitual energy pathways that keep me from changing what I say I want to change.

For you, it may be a different situation. Maybe your business and finances are booming, but your relationships are dead in the water. Or you feel so unhealthy you can’t seem to get up the energy for a night out with friends.

Before you beat yourself up, forgive yourself.

Then love yourself enough to get to the root of the situation. Be an investigative reporter who isn’t willing to stop until you find the originating thought that’s controlling your energy.  Break that thought pattern down, not by beating it into submission, but by loving it enough to understand it.

See what loosens up and changes as a result.

Look, these changes take time, and maybe your core belief is that you don’t have time to ‘waste’ trying to fix things! Make the choice every day to see the situation differently. And by this time, next year, you’ll see the results. I promise.