Why You’re Not willing to Change

As Thanksgiving approaches it’s a great time to look at your benchmarks.

Thanksgiving at the Trolls

As you prepared your feast and gathered around a table with your friends and family what things were you most thankful for last year?  What things were you aspiring to for Thanksgiving 2013?

Maybe you wanted to take more time to spend with your honey, or to earn more money so you could take an artists or yoga retreat for yourself. It’s possible you wanted to get out of your soul-sucking job, or you wanted to fall madly in love with someone who would cherish you.

You might have simply focused on the biggie around the holidays – “getting in shape” or “losing 10 pounds.”

Have you done it?

I’m not throwing stones. Many of my aspirations and dreams have fizzled this year. Which is why I got really curious about about the phenomena of failure. 

In my studies I continuously run into the idea of psychological reversals. You see, we’re not bad people, or weak-willed or lazy.  Instead, we’re holding onto a deep-seated belief that we honestly cannot change because somewhere in our cells or subconscious we believe that we do not deserve the outcome we say we so desperately want.

This may be the reason why smart women stay in lousy and abusive relationships. And it’s certainly why so many stay in financial duress and in a body that feels so uncomfortable.

We talk about switching our mindset and that is part of the puzzle. So is taking action. However, none of that works until we take action to dismantle the underlying limiting beliefs.

This is tricky. We may not even know what the underlying belief is!

One of my underlying beliefs was the old, “No Pain, No Gain” mantra. Every time I’ve earned 6+ figures in my life, I was, indeed, in a lot of pain. However, I felt like it was the good pain. I convinced myself that hustle and constant work, lousy diet, remarkable stress and a suffering relationship were just the price you had to pay to get ahead!

I’ve been tackling this underlying belief all year long and I’m not done with it yet. It’s interesting the ways that this underlying belief has  played out in my business – whenever I’d start to succeed and gain momentum with my programs and clients,  I’d mysteriously see a shut down, client’s unable to pay and a complete loss of income streams.

Consciously I had planned the business so that I would NOT overwork myself, yet, the subconscious was at work, insisting, YOU DO NOT WANT TO WORK TOO HARD ANYMORE! and I’d be back at a standstill.

Crazy! Especially because the pain and irritation and stress of being back at square one is definitely more work than actually doing the things that make my heart sing – namely teaching workshops , reading hands and being present with clients.

I’m still addressing this limiting belief. The first step is letting myself off the hook, for the repetitive cycle. I forgave myself for falling into the trap of self-sabotage and chose to love myself into a better mindset. It’s a moment by moment activity.

The process has helped me clarify the massive leaps and results my clients receive in their businesses, their love lives and their self worth when we work together. I’m humbled by the successes they’ve had.

This process  also helped me fine tune the best way to leverage my time and energy  to avoid the dreaded work-a-holic tendencies that literally made me sick, nearly to death.

I’ve also learned how to tap into the root causes and break up the habitual energy pathways that keep me from changing what I say I want to change.

For you, it may be a different situation. Maybe your business and finances are booming, but your relationships are dead in the water. Or you feel so unhealthy you can’t seem to get up the energy for a night out with friends.

Before you beat yourself up, forgive yourself.

Then love yourself enough to get to the root of the situation. Be an investigative reporter who isn’t willing to stop until you find the originating thought that’s controlling your energy.  Break that thought pattern down, not by beating it into submission, but by loving it enough to understand it.

See what loosens up and changes as a result.

Look, these changes take time, and maybe your core belief is that you don’t have time to ‘waste’ trying to fix things! Make the choice every day to see the situation differently. And by this time, next year, you’ll see the results. I promise.