A Control Freak’s Lament for the Grand Cross Month

I’m trying to let go more.

In varying ways I’ve been a control freak my entire life. My partner jokes that it’s got to be tough being in my head 24 hours a day.  And he’s not wrong.

Creating structure comes naturally to me. As with all things, finding balance is the key. Too much structure and I’m gamesmithing my entire life and trying to move all the people and beings within my life to be something I envision, instead of the real, breathing, thinking wonders that they are.

Here’s the thing, I want to be freewheeling and letting life take me on adventures.  But it scares the crap out of me to let  that happen.

So, I start planning my next meal before the current one is cleared from the table. I create lists and back-up lists for trip planning and packing. I freeze at the idea of creating a vision board — SO MANY OPTIONS!!!

On the other hand, I can easily see how to structure a new business idea – in my mind’s eye a clients “dream” becomes a blue-print of steps and order and ultimately their success.

So as I approach the end of a rather contentious month – where I’ve had to let go of so many beliefs that were holding me back, I’m setting my vision to find grace in the letting go. To find peace in allowing others to hear their own drum and to forgive myself when I try to micro-manage the Universe.

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