What if it Doesn’t Go the Way You Hoped?

In this case “It” could be a job interview, a new product launch, a salary negotiation or a potential client call, or something else that you were really jazzed & positively nervous/excited about.

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It’s all fine to bandy about cliches like,  “When a door closes, God always opens a window” and “There’s always a silver lining to every cloud,” but those positive thoughts fly out the window when YOUR personal thing seems to tank before your very eyes.

You’re not a bad person for being ticked off and angry when things didn’t go the way you hoped.  You are not unworthy or less than and the Universe is not trying to make you jump through more hoops until you learn your lessons.

Sure, there’s likely something better out there. How you get from feeling kicked in the teeth to the something better is where most otherwise brilliant women get stuck. Instead of surrendering the outcome  and moving onward and upward, after a brief period of licking your wounds,  you get bogged down in a litany of everything that’s wrong with you – starting with the “stupid” belief that this thing could have succeeded in the first place! Trust me, this is something I know first-hand!

Here are some tips for avoiding the self-flagellation and keeping your positive momentum, even in the midst of apparent failure:

  • Assess the situation with your logical brain. Remove any and all emotional language and write up a report on the entire process from beginning to end. If you can’t remove the emotional language and thoughts find a good friend or coach to talk through the process with you. Ask them to “delete” any emotional language and replace with factual words.
  • Walk away! Get out in nature, spend time with pets or animals or simply do some downward dogs or stretches. Step away from the situation for a short time. (this is where having a personal meditation practice comes in handy – it helps you refocus when your brain wants to replay the “disaster.” Have you noticed that in each replay the disaster gets worse?)
  • Check in with your body. As you review your report don’t focus on the words on the paper, as much as you “hear” what your body says to you about each item. When you feel discomfort in your body, take a deep breath and get curious. “Ask” your body what it’s trying to tell you! If you feel a tightening in neck or clenching of your teeth when you think about a specific part of your preparation, ask what it means. Keep following the answers with more questions until you get to the core issue. It’s possible that you were following a system that worked for someone else, but it didn’t really fit your style, and every time you tried to force yourself into their mold, it caused your neck to spasm. This is GREAT information for when you’re ready to try again!

Of course these are three steps you can take to shake off the sting of what seems like a loss or failure. There are many more tools you can use depending on your specific situation and your personal style and passions.

The point is that you can surrender your feelings of worthlessness and replace them with a deeper understanding of your true passions. From there you get to take what you’ve learned and create something even more magnificent than you imagined  – in other words, you get to open the window! 🙂

Is it a Sign?

Powerful, I take responsibility for who I am, what I do, and what happens to me.

In my line of work as a coach who uses spiritual truths to enhance practical living, I receive a number of random email questions. The second most common* question that comes my way is “How do I know if this is a sign?”

In the emails, the writer describes a situation, a comment, a song, or thing that’s happened. Then she (it’s almost always a woman who writes to me!) tells me what she thinks it means and how she’s been looking for direction or insight or help. Then she asks me, Is this really a sign?”

Reading this you might say to yourself, “what she’s really looking for is validation.”  And you’d be right. But put yourself in this lovely seeker’s situation, and you start to see how easy it is to doubt your intuition. And how easy it is to look outside of yourself for confirmation and validation.

Here are some of the things these women are struggling with, the questions they want to answer so they can transition into their passions:

  • Will I be okay if I take the new job offer even though it doesn’t pay more than my current job?
  • Should I give him another chance even though he’s lied to me?
  • If I start my own business will I be able to enjoy the life I already know?
  • Is it time to leave this relationship, even though I’m desperately afraid of being alone?
  • Can I maintain my quality of life if I change careers at my age?

Most of these women are feisty and funny.  They’ve been struggling with these and related questions for months (and sometimes YEARS) and the questions are leading to more questions and opinions from well-meaning friends and family. Which leads to more confusion and self-doubt.  It’s a nasty cycle.

In most cases I go directly to the heart of the matter in an email response. Not everyone loves my direct approach, but I feel so strongly that our lives are meant to be bold and beautiful (no, I never watched that soap) that I feel compelled to bring the truth to light so that people can make choices right away to start living the dreams they say they want.

This brings me to the question which I’ve been asked a lot over the last few weeks (and this week especially), “Is this government shut down a sign?”  “Is it a message of some sort?”

You need to remember that I live in the DC metro area. Many of my neighbors, friends and family are employed in some way or another by the Federal Government. These folks are on both sides of the political aisle and are deeply affected by this situation. You might not live in the area and you might not know someone who is temporarily out of work, but you still can benefit from my answer.

The government shut-down is definitely a sign and a message.

It’s a call to action for those of us who know we have spiritual work to do in a practical world. It’s an opportunity to revisit our priorities as individuals and members of our local and global community. I see it as a clear sign that you can make choices every day to be in charge of your own destiny.

I am so *&%^% passionate about this idea – taking control and owning your own power – that I’m overwhelmed with the desire to put my hands on your shoulders, look directly into your eyes and tell you that YOU are ESSENTIAL. The world really, deeply needs you and your gifts – whatever they are. I’ve been squashing this fire down because I didn’t want to overwhelm people or scare them with the reality of their own responsibility – for themselves and for the world. No more.

No more hiding out because this situation is a sign – to own your truth and your value in the world, and that goes for me too.

There is no sugar-coating the fact that the loss of a paycheck (even if it’s temporary and you’re going to get back pay whenever you go back to work) can significantly change the quality of your life. It might affect your ability to pay the rent or the mortgage, your ability to get the medicines you need or your ability to feed and care for your pets. Maybe it’s less visceral but equally scary – affecting your ability to socialize, travel and indulge yourself in self-care the way you’d like. No matter, the point is when you’re worried about finances, it’s harder to be YOU in the world and trust that the Universe has great faith in you and will care for you.

The deeper message is this – whenever you put someone else in charge of your worth, you’re at the risk of having your worth and well-being change with the wind. If you can afford that, wonderful! The same is true with investing – some investments are meant to be held for the long-haul, but you’d never be advised to invest more than you could afford to lose in the short term. So why would you invest your precious life’s purpose in something that doesn’t value you?

Signs are always present and they present you with an opportunity to trust your intuition and lean into your truth. They are affirmations of what you already know to be true and they are guideposts to moving into the rhythm of the life you are passionate about. However, they don’t change anything – it’s you who have the opportunity to take action and follow the signs.

Are you ready? Would you like to talk and find out how to take action based on your signs? I’d be honored to listen to your dreams.

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* The most common question I receive? “I have a short life line, does this mean I’ll die young?”

To Share or Not To Share

Know Thyself detail 3

I generally write about palmistry and careers here but today I’m breaking form. Heck, it’s good to mix things up now and again, right?

I work with a high number of women who are just “coming into” their intuitive awareness and it’s a ton of fun to watch them learn how to access this tool for their own highest good in the workplace and beyond. They have a great time realizing how to determine what’s “real” intuition and what’s just wishful thinking.

When you first reconnect with your inner voice it’s like a shiny new toy that you want to play with all the time! You can’t wait to show it to your friends and explain to them all the cool things it can do. For the most part I encourage this exploration and excitement because the more we practice the better we get at using this gift.

However, there comes a time when you blurt out an intuitive “hit” to someone you don’t know well, or a complete stranger. Or maybe you blurt an insight to a good friend or family member who hasn’t asked for your opinion. Whoa Boy!

I’ve done it too. And it feels awkward at best and awful at worst for everyone involved.

Here’s the thing – not all intuitive hits need to be shared, or are meant to be shared. Primarily because each person has free will, including the stranger on the metro minding her own business and wondering if her boyfriend is cheating on her. Not only that, her boyfriend has free will too! So if you touch her shoulder, look her in the eye and say, “Yes, yes he is cheating on you,” you’re not doing her any favors, are you? Most of us who read for other people are happy to be accurate 70-80% of the time – which means – you might be WRONG and now you’ve set her and her boyfriend up for a very long night, month or year of crying and heartache. All because a STRANGER accosted her on the metro with her intuitive insight. (Why we give our power away to complete strangers is a deeper mystery and conversation for another time).

Resisting the urge to have your intuition on high alert all day, every day is the first step in breaking this habit (if you have it). It’s also important to remember that if you’re not invited in or in some sort of agreement/contract with another person to provide intuitive guidance, then stay out.

For one thing, it helps you ensure you stay out of the penalty phase of the Healer/Intuitive and another, it allows you to honor the other person’s right to their life on their own terms.

What do I do when I get an intuitive hit about a person nearby? I acknowledge the hit and ask my Guides to find another way to get the message to the intended. After all, we all have spiritual guides who are constantly trying to contact us – I assume the other person has a team who can get to work. I also presume that the message isn’t really urgent for the person.

If you are having challenges with your intuition and want to put it to work for you, let’s chat and see if I can help.