Communication Secrets

End Miscommunication Using Palmistry

Palmistry can help you communicate so you're understood

Did you ever play the “telephone” game? Where one person starts out with a short story or phrase and whispers it in the ear of the next person in line? This goes on through an entire line or classroom and the last person stands up and states out loud what she just heard.

It’s often funny to see how from the original a story can change after all that whispering. Communication is often confusing. Maybe that’s because we spend a great deal of time thinking about how we’re going to respond, or because we’re listening to their information and trying to put ourselves into their story.

Useful communication takes diligence on the part of the giver and the receiver. We can trace most of our personal and professional woes to miscommunication, and it’s not a great leap to see how the inability to communicate has led to unrest around the world.

Why is it such a challenge to communicate effectively?

Why do we have so much trouble saying what we really mean and hearing what other people are trying to convey?

We all have an innate style of communicating and it’s our wish or presumption that everyone else has the same style. Except they don’t.  Other people have a way of communicating that is innate to them and can seem alien to us.

This is where understanding your heart line type can help! Your heart lines show how you communicate. Your heart line also shows how you wish everyone would communicate with you!

There are four heart line types and each has its own style.

The Passionate or Diva heart line requires speed. They don’t have time for details and the history of how you came to your conclusion – they simply want to know what it’s got to do with them! Whether you’re selling to a Diva or trying to convince him to clean his room, it’s in your best interest to present the highlights in a useful, quick manner. You can help them by writing down reminders or deadlines and popping in with quick check-ins to ensure that you’re still top of mind. The Passionate can get easily distracted by shiny objects and new adventures. In conversation, they may promise to do something but at the appointed time, they don’t show up. Don’t take it personally, they ran down a rabbit hole after something else interesting and lost track of time.

The Nurturer heart line requires your time. They don’t like you to fast-forward in conversations and they enjoy learning all about your back story. They want to know how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Whether you’re selling to a Nurturer or want to get them to put down the phone and talk to you, it’s in your best interest to share your feelings.  Tell them why you feel your product or service will make a difference in their life and let them know how they’ll feel once they’ve made the purchase. To get them off the phone and into conversation, tell them, from your heart, how it feels when you get to spend time together, really listening to each other. The conundrum here is that the Nurturer truly feels she is connecting when she is on the phone using social media, texting and emailing other people!  Nurturers can lose track of time because they can get wrapped up in someone else’s story or drama. Don’t take it personally if a Nurturer shows up late because they were busy helping out a stranger who was lost. It’s their nature. However, it’s okay to call and let them know you’re waiting!

The Strong and Silent or Hermit heart line requires time to process information. This doesn’t mean he’s slow, it means he wants to have time to ingest what you’re sharing. He takes in information and lets it settle before he makes any decisions or responds.  Whether you’re selling to a Strong and Silent or trying to determine how he feels about you in your relationship, it’s in your best interest to make specific statements, ask specific questions and allow them time to respond. Give them specific dates and times when you’d like to follow up or continue the conversation. They don’t need multiple reminders, once they have your appointment on the calendar; they are going to show up! Although they really appreciate it when you reach out and give them a 24 hour courtesy reminder – that way they know that you are serious and will follow through!

The Philosopher or Romantic Idealist heart line requires information from you. She likes to get things right and is often worried that she doesn’t have enough information to make a wise decision.  Shecan come off as aloof and can seem distracted.  Whether you’re selling to a Philosopher or trying to get her to pick a place for dinner, it’s in your best interest to limit the options, give a specific deadline and let them know there is no wrong answer.  Philosophers are notorious for wanting to research just a little longer – they spend so much time in their head weighing pros and cons! If you don’t give them deadlines and take the pressure off about the possibility they may be wrong, you could be waiting a long time for a decision. Rest assured a Philosopher will be happy once the decision is made, just allow the time to ask any questions they need to make an informed choice.

These little snippets give you a quick overview of each heart line in real life. If you lean heavily to one of these types, note that if you’re having a hard time communicating with someone in your life, they may be coming from another heart line perspective! It doesn’t make them wrong, it makes them different.

Want to discover your heart line style? Order your mini-reading today!

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A Decade

If you ask my love, I’m not much good at sentimental dates or anniversaries. Other than my birthday most days seem like all the others and I guess my interest lies more toward the here and now then the MILESTONES.

regret is scariest of all

This is interesting because Facebook keeps asking me to share milestones on my Pragmatic Palmist page. It seems to increase something in that land. My worth? My value as a business owner? My ability to stand out? Who really knows?!

Still, the “enter a milestone” request got me thinking and then I recognized that it was 2004 that started me on this hand reading journey. That’s a DECADE.  I like the sound of that. It makes me feel stable and secure and proves to those who say otherwise, “I CAN stick with something for the long haul.” (next major milestone? a decade and more with my love)

I can’t remember what I had for breakfast on Monday (did I have breakfast on Monday?) but I can remember the beginning of my hand analysis certification process as though  it happened this morning.

To commemorate this milestone, here are 10 things I’ve learned about business, hands, life and love in the past 10 years:

  1. If you’re not happy, nothing outside of you is going to make you happy. I first had my hands read because I thought it would be a magic button that would miraculously solve all my inner turmoil and angsty hand-wringing. It didn’t.
  2. Stretching is awesome, jumping off the cliff in an attempt to start from square one sucks. I know, I know. There’s some whimsical belief that if you leap the net will appear, and while I really like that image it isn’t the way it worked for me. (yes, I hear your metaphysicians – “maybe I didn’t believe in myself enough!”)  Here’s the deal, I asked for a divorce, met a totally unstable new boyfriend, took all my cash and bought an overpriced condo instead of paying back a crap-ton of debt and sold the business that was the source of my income – all within the span of 3 months. That was a lot of plates spinning and to be honest, I’m not sure there are enough nets on the planet! I learned my lesson that all or nothing is not really the only way to begin your best life.
  3. Being spiritual isn’t the point, being present is. You see I thought a spiritual teacher had to be all kinds of holy (and obviously poor) and always good and compassionate. That’s been impossible for me and now that I think about it, a pretty ego-driven belief. All that spiritual do-goodery was getting exhausting. When I chose to simply slow down and be present, the life I lead became infinitely more enjoyable.
  4. Relationships are paramount. You’ve heard t hat adage that says you somehow become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with? It’s true. Most times this is spouted as the reason for forming a business mastermind – with rich people.  And I like being rich (more on that in #5) but I like having high caliber people around even more. In 10 years I’ve  had the complete joy and surprise of meeting and cultivating friendships with men and women who, by their very presence, help me grow- spiritually, mentally and financially. I’ve also watched some relationships fade away because I no longer needed the drama. Making relationships central to my life has been a life saver.
  5. Money is not the enemy. I have no idea when or why I decided to remove money from my life like a metastasizing cancer, but I’m glad I figured out that it was ME, not money that was the issue. I had one of the most eye-opening opportunities to love money in my life. I’m glad I accepted the challenge, but I wish for you to never be in that position. As a result I’m as passionate about my relationship with money as I am with people.
  6. If you’re afraid, keep going. Whenever I’ve been afraid (and good gosh ‘coming out’ to the world as a hand reader is still scary sometimes) I go within and ask for some higher wisdom to find the Love. You can’t be afraid and feel love at the same time. So I give myself permission to love my way through to the other side of fear.
  7. Dance. Now, if you’ve EVER seen me dance you’ll have a flashback to the Seinfeld episode where Elaine goes nuts on the dance floor. I feel pretty certain that Mr. Seinfeld had a hidden camera on my life to come up with that particular riff. And he made Julia Louis-Dreyfuss watch it a few hundred times to get the dance exactly right. This simple fact about me used to MORTIFY me and then make me angry when others laughed at my dancing. So I stopped dancing. And the only person who suffered was ME. Now I dance and laugh and laugh and dance and love the fact that my body can move in all those wacky ways. The more I’m me, the more free I am to do good work in the world. So turn on the music!
  8. Screw moderation. Everything in moderation? Except moderation. I can see that working for things that aren’t that great for me – like wine or french fries, but when it comes to things I love and have passion for? No way. I am passionate about reading hands. I’m passionate about building relationships. I’m passionate about helping people reach their highest and best good and dang I’m passionate about learning new things. Why in heaven’s name would I want to moderate any of that?! I can’t have too much learning or hand reading or relationship love. Ever.
  9. Love your body. No matter  what it looks like, no matter if you cannot seem to get into the Wheel in yoga or do a headstand or Crow pose. No matter if you have two left feet on the dance floor! Celebrate your body in all it’s wonder, listen to it, nourish it, cherish it for every last thing it does today. I can’t do any work in the world without it and while I know that I, as a soul, am eternal, I am so unabashedly proud of the body I have today – all nearly 50 years of it!
  10. Love. It’s taken me ten years of introspection, deep conversation, study and more to realize what LOVE really is. It is so much bigger than me and so much more than songs and poems and romance (all good stuff though). Whenever I’m in doubt, think I cannot do something, am freaking scared of going another day trying to do this thing called life, I reflect on LOVE.

Ten years – it’s been the best  decade yet!

 

Were You Picked on in Grade School?

 

I was picked on as a kid.

I’m  not telling you this for you to get indignant about what happened to me.  Nor am I sharing so  you and I can commiserate about all the terrible things that have happened to us at the hands of others. I’m just putting it out there because I promised myself that I’d write a post every morning whether I felt like it or not.  I promised myself 60 days of showing up and writing, publicly and the fact is I actually cleaned the dishes before coming up here to write because I felt like I didn’t have anything to write about.

Yes.  The coach who works with dozens of writers and would-be writers each month was playing the same head-games her clients do.  The game is a neat combo of “I don’t have anything worthwhile to say,” + “I’ll just wait til I’m hit by inspiration” + “Why would anyone read what I write.”

Irony! You are my dance partner it seems.

Still, the sentence, “I was picked on a lot” kept dancing in my head. Sometime yesterday as I was thinking about what to write in a blog post and in my ezine today, that vision of me, being tied to a tree by Roberta and Angela and their gang in 4th grade kept popping up.

When I spilled my coffee all over my grandmother’s antique gate leg table that was generously gifted me from my sister, I was thinking about it. I was also probably chastising myself for being clumsy and congratulating myself on being stealthy enough to postpone the writing a little longer. And I played with the way the sentence was short and sweet and staccato, just the way I like my sentences to be.

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The deeper questions are why was I picked on?  Why, out of a class of 20 girls was I the one that got drafted to be tied to the tree in the woods behind the school, only to be untied when the girls had to come clean as to why I hadn’t gotten back to the classroom after recess?  (For the record I was more concerned about being ‘tardy’ to the classroom than being tied up).

In the haze that’s descended over 40 years I don’t really remember that day well.  I can imagine it, as I still dream of that school, its halls, the deep and loamy scent of the pine trees surrounding the big back hill where we sledded in the winter, but a clear memory of being tied to that tree doesn’t exist.  Frankly, I’d completely forgotten about the incident altogether until Angela apologized at our 20th High School reunion. At that moment I sensed that picking on me had created a much heavier  burden for her than it had for me.  She’d carried it for about 30 years and I’d forgotten it before I reached 8th grade.

Was I bullied?

I’m not sure.  We talked about bullies but not bullying when I was growing up. My parents knew that I desperately wanted to belong and yet continued to feel left out, but I have a tendency to be a storyteller (exaggerate) and have always wanted my parents to feel good and happy and comfortable (oldest child syndrome) and I suspect I kept the more painful details of my school day from them.  I know that had I told my parents about the tree incident, there would have been a call to the school and to the other girls’ parents.  The parents were pretty cohesive in those days.  If I did something wrong or hurt a kid I went to school with I would have been reprimanded and likely punished. The same would have been true had I told on Angela and Roberta and their cohorts.  I don’t think they told me NOT to tell on them, nor would they have threatened me if I did.  I’m sure my 9 year old brain thought of the incident as a type of initiation ritual, that if I put up with the humiliation, then I would finally be accepted into the Clique.  As it was I spent the next three years floating in and out of the Clique until I left that school altogether and found a group of amazing friends to hang out with.  By the time the twins and their cohorts made it to the same school, I already was established in my own right.

I’m sure I thought about all this after Angela apologized 11 years ago. Today it takes on a bit of a different flavor as I reminisce about how all these moments are part of a larger journey.

These incidents weren’t just about “toughening me up” as I might have been told as a kid, but rather about opening me up to the work I do now. I have the opportunity to see where I chose to go along and where I desperately tried to fit in and how often I was shoved aside,  or put in a position to “learn” that people aren’t worth trusting.  I would try to get into a group or organization that I thought held the “key” to success and love only to find out that there was still an empty feeling. As I reflect I see how all this frames what is in my fingerprints.  I didn’t know that at the time – in fact Richard Unger was just getting started with his studies when I was in 4th grade! Still the need to fit in and the need to own and trust my own power and worth are on-going themes and I’m grateful to be able to see them for the gift they are now.

Reflecting on childhood can be bittersweet, I’m glad to put those memories in the context of my entire journey here on the planet.

What childhood memories or heartbreaks have stuck with you? Is there a way to reframe them from today’s vantage point?