Will He Come Back to Me?

Will He Come Back to me?

If I had a dollar for every single time I’ve been asked “Will my Ex come back to me?”  – I would be George and Amal’s neighbor on that Italian island, with enough left over to jet set to the Galapagos every time I needed a fix of wild nature!

Seriously y’all. Why do you keep bemoaning the situation between you and the ex? Why are you mooning over him and wanting him (or her) to come back to you? There was a perfectly good reason you broke it off and there’s an equally great reason for you to learn the joy of being single and unattached.

Now let me tell you the truth. I’ve been there a few times myself. Mostly I was the breaker-upper – because – attachment and trust issues. Sometimes though I was left staring into the broken shards of my imaginary perfect life with Mr. not-so-Perfect-but-I-was-going-to-make-him-so.  It hurt and it stung to be left and my Ego was really in a tizzy. I hated finding out that the person that I’d covered with my love and kisses was out and about town with one (or three) others, all the while promising me that we’d buy that adorable house on the corner together so we could raise kids and get old and gray together.

I have love in my heart for you when you ask this question, even while I’m internally groaning. I’m groaning because I see myself and so many of my friends when we were in that same position. I’m smiling because we all came out of it as better, more joyful people and empowered people who eventually found bliss on our own terms. Some of us with partners that are wildly more of a fit for us than the one we cried for and some of us without partners but the freedom and vision to dive into living our dreams on our own terms. We’re all so much more US as a result of letting that other one go.

When you put your hands in front of me and ask me if your ex is coming back I can only tell you what I see about YOU and how you are in relationships. I can clearly see where you’re stuck and I can give you specific details about how and why you get yourself entangled with people who are not a fit. This doesn’t mean that they are bad people. And it totally doesn’t mean that you need to Gumby yourself into someone you’re not in order to regain that person in your life.

What you’ve just experienced is the law of contrast. It shows you all the ways you’re attracting and buying into relationships that are not a fit for you for the long term. This doesn’t mean that the relationship was wasted time. (I know, I know, everyone else is getting married! They’re having kids! and you feel left behind.)  This is a great opportunity to ask yourself if you trust the Divine. Divine timing is always right. You can’t do this wrong! (what a relief, right?)  Just because you’re comparing yourself to someone else doesn’t mean that you’re behind or wrong or dealing with an evil curse. It simply means that you’re learning lessons on your own time.

Want to speed up that learning curve?

Look to your hands and take action on what you learn.

Too many people want a psychic to tell them, “Yes, he’s coming back. He’ll be there in 3 months,” so they can sit back and wait for life to happen to them. They are literally handing their power over – to the psychic and to the person for whom they’re longing. What the psychic doesn’t tell you is that when he comes back it’s just more of the same and you’ll sink another decade into trying to become someone you’re not in order to “keep” them – ending up miserable with three kids who don’t want to speak to either of you once they turn 18.

Instead of asking “Will he (or she) come back to me?” Ask, “How can I be the best possible version of myself in a loving and committed relationship?” or “What are my blind-spots when it comes to relationships and how can I take action to clear up those challenges?”  Then you’ll leave your reading with some seriously useful intel and you’ll have specific guidance on moving forward to a more joyful relationship future.

Empower yourself and use your hands to light your path to love.

Want a reading? Still two more left until my Sabbatical. Book here.

Just Be You

what does it mean to Just be you?

I’ve said it myself dozens of times: to a friend interviewing for a job, a bestie going on a first date or to a client going to speak before a new group, “Just be You.”

One of my friends called me on it recently.

“What the F does that MEAN?!” he cried.

“Well, uh,” and I was floored.

He was right. Should he show up to his job interview as the nerdy, snarky guy that permeates his social media feed? Or perhaps he should be the him that is the favored child in nearly every family setting? Maybe he’d do well to be the fashion icon we all know him to be? Or perhaps he should be the super smart, highly efficient, number-crunching savant with a side of humor that we all know and love in the office?

This call to “just be you” is a good idea, in practice it can be another useless cliche without substance.

Like my friend, I have many sides to ME. I’m a nerdy know-it-all when it comes to useless information. I’m a former cheerleader and a sorority girl. I’m a leader with a lot of compassion but little patience for people who lack initiative. I’m an outdoorsy girl who loves room service. I’m a loyal friend and have been called out-going but need to have large swaths of space in my calendar for doing nothing. I’m a workaholic. I’m a person who loves deeply but trusts slowly. I’m an adoptee who loves her family but still wants to know my biological family. I avoid conflict as much as possible but will get on my soapbox and call out systems and people that I see as abusing power.

There’s so much more too!

I’ll bet you’re the same way.

With all these diverse parts of our personalities, what does it mean when we’re told to “Just be you”?

What I ended up saying to my friend before his big interview was”Bring the best version of you that makes the most sense for this gig to the job interview. Don’t forget all the parts of you, but if they’re not germane, don’t feel pressure to tell them all those side of you in the first meeting.”

That’s what I mean when I tell myself, “Just be you.”

That’s what I mean when I ask you to be yourself. Be the version of yourself that makes the most sense where you are. Be open and honest. Resist the urge to force feed every one of your beliefs in the first meeting. Let who you are unfold in your relationships.

When  you’re speaking to a group for the first time, you can put them at east by being totally you. If you’re nervous, let them know. If it’s the first time you’re giving that talk, let them know. Pull your audience into the moment with you and let the relationship unfold from there.

As I began to read hands, I learned to remind people that when they learn more about who they are, they have the choice to always present the best version of themselves in every setting. It’s up to them to determine what “best” means at any given time. However, in our pursuit of more happy in life, it’s easy to lean into the pieces of ourselves that make us feel most at home. That’s a great place to start!